Frank Burns, Idiot Extraordinaire
by misswildfire
Summary: Frank goes to far this time and Hawkeye and BJ with the help of Margaret set things right.


**Title: ****Franks Burns, Idiot extraordinaire****  
Author: **misswildfire (marauderslupinyahoo.ca)**  
Pairing: **None really, implied Hawk/Beej**  
Rating: **PG**  
Disclaimer: **I don't own them!**  
Challenge: **Write a 10 minute fic using the sentence "You have got to be kidding me!"

**Time Used: **Close to twenty, but it's worth it!

**Summary: **Frank goes to far this time and Hawkeye and BJ with the help of Margaret set things right.

"You have got to be kidding me!" BJ Hunnicutt said to his close friend, Hawkeye Pierce.

"Why would you say that?" he asked, a grin slowly forming on his face.

"We always do this sort of thing, and now you want to back out on me?" Hawkeye exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips in mock anger.

"No one ever said anything about backingout," BJ said, "I just think this is going a little bit over the top, don't you?"

"How can you say that doing anything to Frank Burns is going over the top? Besides, this time he really deserves it," Hawkeye said as he opened the door to the Swamp.

"Ok, got me on that one," BJ said as he entered the tent. "So what are we going to do to him this time?"

"I was thinking it would involve Margaret. You know how she gets when he tries or does anything. We can more or less send her at him and that would take care of all of our problems." The two grown men smirked.

"Are you serious?" Margaret said later that day. She combed her hair and sighed. Frank was being an idiot again. Than again, when wasn't he? She still hadn't figured out what she ever saw in him. _Probably because he's a higher rank than I am, _Margaret smiled at that thought.

"Alright, what do you want me to do?" she asked. The two men shared a smile and told her their plan.

Major Frank Burns was walking back to the Swamp from post-op when Hawkeye came running up to him.

"Frank, come, hurry, Margaret needs your help!"

"I always knew she'd need me!" Frank said, and laughed that annoying laugh of his. "Where is she?" he asked, starting to jog with the older, wiser and better doctor.

"This way," was all that Hawkeye said.

Margaret was waiting in her tent for Hawkeye and Frank to arrive. The plan was that under the pretense that she needed his help, Frank was going to be lured back to her tent, where she was going to yell at him for calling Donald some pretty nasty names that they had come up with. Then again, Frank really deserved it.

Margaret wasn't one for liking enlisted men, but they were men and did help run the army. Besides, Radar was a nice kid…sometimes… and Frank had really been an ass this time.

Frank had taken Radar's teddy bear and threatened that if Radar didn't do what he wanted this minute, the bear was going to get it.

"Where is she?" Frank asked.

"Right in there," Hawkeye said, pointing at her tent. Frank gave a curt nod and opened Margaret's door.

"Margaret?" he asked, his voice hitting a whole new pitch of whining.

"Don't you ever knock, Frank?" she asked, sitting at her desk and running a brush through her hair. "Get out, Frank," she said, not bothering to look at him.

"But someone said you needed my help."

"Frank, I would never need your help in a million years, not when I have Donald." Frank's face bunched at the sound of his name.

"Ah ha!" she said.

"Ah ha! What?" he asked.

"You did do it, didn't you?"

"I did what, Margaret?" Frank said, whining as usual.

"You insulted my husband! You inconsiderate, whining, snivelling, idiotic fool!" Margaret yelled at him, throwing whatever she could reach at him.

"Margaret!" he said, trying to get her attention, but it was too late. One second later, Frank Burns had a black eye, courtesy of the blonde's fist.

"If I ever see you here again, you'll regret it," Margaret seethed.

Outside her tent, Hawkeye and BJ were desperately trying not to make a sound. When they saw Frank run from her tent, they burst out laughing!

"That was priceless!" Hawkeye said, bending over laughing. BJ wasn't in much better shape, using his friend and lover to support himself.

"It was," BJ said, nodding in agreement.

"I bet we can do better," Hawkeye said, suddenly sobering up.

"You have got to be kidding me!" was the only reply he got.


End file.
